You are the anchor for my soul
You won’t let go
You won’t let go
No matter what may come I know
You won’t let go
You won’t let go

I found Jesus at The Rock Church in North County. My friend Tiphanyie had told me that the popular San Diego mega-church was opening a campus in North County. Marleea had attended The Rock, so I decided to check it out. It wasn’t anything I was used to, but people were welcoming and excited to be there. An introduction to the series came up on the screens, depicting a gray, bleak world. An Asian girl walked through an abandoned warehouse with her road bike. Sat on the floor, knees to chest, rocking herself, crying. She ended up on the roof of a building, ready to jump, before a young man her age appeared and held out her hand to step down. I was bawling. That was me.

From 2010-2012, after a number of failed relationships stacked up, I started dealing with chronic depression. It was at its worst in early 2012, when I finally hit rock bottom, emotionally. I was single and absolutely lonely. I was living at home and butting heads with my parents. My sister and I weren’t on great terms, and I was unhappy at work. I distracted myself with motorcycle racing and devoting my life to that. But even then, constantly being surrounded by couples in the pits dug at me. I was ready to end my life. I brainstormed on many nights how I could end my life without things getting too messy or painful. It had to be fail-proof; I didn’t want to end up a vegetable.

After weeks crying my eyes out at the back of church, by myself, I surrendered my life to Jesus Christ on April 6, 2012 (Good Friday). I had tried everything to get out of this hole I was in; distractions, therapy, anti-depressants. Nothing seemed to make things a lot better. I figured I had done my due diligence to get out of this, and if God can’t fix my life, nothing was going to. I had nothing to lose. I promised Him that I would give Him my life and do whatever He wanted me to do, if He could pull me out of my depression.

Then things started changing. An opportunity to move out of my parents’ house was given to me. My relationship with my parents improved, not having to live under their rules. My sister and my relationship started to improve. Work conditions even got better. And then the love life. I had been seeing someone for a year, not leading anywhere. For whatever reason, he didn’t want to commit to a relationship with me, leaving it open to do whatever he saw fit with whoever he wanted. I wasn’t his girlfriend; who was I to stop him?

I was baptized July 22nd of that same year; wanting to declare in front of the world that I had accepted Jesus as my Savior, surrounded by my loved ones.

I’ll never forget the first time I heard God speak to me. Commuting on my way home, suddenly Jeremiah 29:11 came to me; “‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.'”

“This is not the best I can do for you.” is what I heard God tell me. “He has to go.” So I cut the guy loose.

I’m no longer seeking therapy or taking anti-depressants. I have a new lease on life; a life I don’t even deserve. I’ve been given a second chance at life and don’t plan on wasting any of it. I know now that this life is an adventure, about experiencing all that God has to offer.

And so, the blogs that are posted here in this section are spiritually charged. They include my prayers, ramblings, and hopefully encouragement for you.

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