They say being single during the holidays is harder than it usually is. I didn’t think that was true, because I didn’t feel any more lonely than I already did. Then, I started seeing a bunch of Facebook articles and radio DJ’s mention holidays being hard for single people. I think the truth is, it is a little bit harder during this time of year.

There’s no one to go have coffee with on chilly mornings. No one to stroll through festive neighborhoods or accompany you to Christmas and holiday parties.

Don’t get it twisted; I will go and do these things on my own or with friends. I don’t “need” anyone to come with me.

But at the sake of sounding whiny, the truth is, I want companionship. I want to be cherished. I want to be thought about. I want to hold hands and slow dance and do life together with someone. I want to be in love again. And I think it’s totally normal, considering we were created for relationship. With each other, and with God.

And this season in singleness has given me the opportunity to get to know and get closer to God. It’s given me the time to try to grasp just how much He loves me and how much He adores me. And yet, it hasn’t always been an easy path.

I went through a sort of “faith crisis” recently. I was fed up and frustrated and had all but given up on what God’s plan for me was. I was tired of waiting on Him to bring a godly man who was going to pursue me. I was fed up of having to guard my heart. I was tired of feeling how I felt and I wanted to take matters into my own hands. I had all but decided that I quit. I’m going my own way.

He let me have that night and most of the next day. But the following evening, He spoke to me and reminded me who He is. He is God. And He is good.

My pastor said something that was very encouraging to me. He said that if we bail out, we’ll miss out (in regards to God‘s plan for our lives). It struck me.

As frustrated as I am, I know His plans are good. I know that His plans are better than my own. I know that the results of my planning my own way will in no way be anywhere near as good as what (and who) God has been preparing for me (and preparing me for).

One of the ways I can recognize God’s voice is hearing something that I wouldn’t tell myself; something that’s not of or from me. A voice told me later that week as I was reflecting on the service; “hang on just a little bit longer, sweetheart. You’re almost there.”

That is absolutely not something I would not say to myself right now! Why would I!? If it were me, I would’ve just gone for it and went on my own way and lived my own life my way.

But it’s not about me. Who am I, that I should think that I could do or plan anything better than the Creator of the universe? He, who created me, too.

Even when I stumble, and when I’m tempted to walk away, He gently corrects me. He isn’t angry with me for being frustrated and fed up. He isn’t condemning in His correction. He gives me undeserved grace. He loves me, and He is so, so patient.

He understands me. I don’t think that He thinks I’m being unreasonable; maybe a little impatient. He pats me on the top of my head, smiles sweetly, shaking His head; “Oh, Christin. You’re adorable.”

No matter how much pain I might be feeling, or how lonely I feel at times, God is bigger than all of that. The fact that I can still worship and praise Him and love Him despite what I feel or think, in good times and bad times, is evidence of a surrendered heart. And that is a relief to me, experiencing how easy it was to surrender it back to Him. And He delights in it, despite how angry I was.

Even as I walk through this dry season; He is with me. I sometimes forget that He doesn’t just watch me from a distance, from heaven. He is right here with me. He walks through the valleys next to me. He is with me in my darkness.

Even when the answer is no, I believe in the deepest parts of my soul; He is still good.

Keep your faith. God works in the shadows, and His ways and thinking are not ours. Even if He told us what He was doing, it still probably wouldn’t make any sense to us. Continue to lean into Him. Ask Him for help when you need it. Lean on friends who will pray with you. God hears you, and He sees you. He doesn’t ignore you and He will absolutely come through, as He has time and time and time again.

“I’ve seen You move, 
You move the mountains.
And I believe I’ll see You do it again.” 
“Do It Again” – Elevation Worship